My Greatest Valentine

08 May My Greatest Valentine

I have a story to tell you.

It starts on Valentine’s Day, February 14, 2013 – a very dark day for me, not to mention my wife and four daughters. It was a day that culminated in much pain, disappointment and regret. Valentine’s Day 2013 was the day I hit rock bottom. But it was also the beginning of a story of new hope, new life and the true start of my journey to recovery. It was the day the foundation of our lives was swept clean and God started rebuilding things. That was seven, long years ago – I haven’t poured a drop of alcohol into my body since that day.

To celebrate that day each year since then, Celeste has been giving me a beautiful, custom-designed sobriety “chip” as a token of remembrance. I keep the current year’s chip in my wallet so I see it every time I go to purchase something.

This year’s chip is especially meaningful to me though. Seven is a symbol of completeness in the Bible and our story seems to be taking an exciting turn in this seventh year. Celeste gave me a beautiful seven-year chip made fittingly out of “gunmetal” as a symbol of my journey from “Broken…to Bulletproof.” When I opened it, I was beside myself, humbled at the chip’s simple beauty and the striking symbolism of the gift.

But even more special was the beautiful note she sent me on the morning of Valentine’s Day this year. It contained her thoughts about our story, our journey together (I read it while sitting at my desk at work and I’m sure my co-workers wondered what had me weeping!). Celeste has given me permission to share her special, intimate words to me that illuminate our story so much better than I ever could…

Valentines Day – 2020

I love you my Valentine!!!

Seven years ago today, I found myself answering a phone call to a voice I was unfamiliar with. She identified herself as Redlands Police. She explained to me that my husband had been found facedown on Brookside Avenue, bloody and passed out.

In that moment, the narrative of my story changed.

Before that, I had always thought my husband, Tony, was turning to something better. Someone prettier. Someone sexier. Someone blonde and beautiful. Someone that didn’t have the curves of my hips that I had grown accustom to hating.

But now, I was coming  face-to-face with the truth. He was not having fun! He was allowing himself to bow down, literally face-down, to an evil slave master and he was miserable.

No human being chooses to find themselves bloody, bruised, broken and alone on black asphalt in the middle of a dark city. It was then that it began to dawn on me that this was not about me, but it was about a soul that was being tormented, who needed a rescue. I was not the rescuer.

I love and serve a good God who has the power to rescue one such as this.

That Valentine’s Day seven years ago, Tony found himself in a jail cell with 20 other guys and a toilet in the middle of the cage. And, I found myself in tears on the couch, praying and crying out to my Lord.

Today, with seven years behind me, I can say is one of the best days of my life. That Valentines Day seven years ago is when God begin to move mountains. I saw the impossible become possible. He began the rescue from the lies I believed about myself, my beauty and about the man I loved.

Seven years is a long time when you’re in the midst of recovery, but every new day gets a chance to bring truth and love. I have learned to love who God created me to be and our love has become authentic and deep. Tony and I have seen each other through the dark night of the soul.

Today, we find ourselves in escrow to a small red farmhouse in Riverside, where I am confident God will continue to rebuild and restore what was lost. I found HOME long before this little red house appeared. Home is where I go with my Lord where I am found, valued and loved.

God is healing our marriage, but more importantly He is healing my heart. So today, February 14, 2020, I am eternally grateful to a God who rescued my heart and reminded me of the truth about who I am. I am a daughter of the King! 

As I write this, my heart is SO FULL. God has been slowly redeeming and restoring the things I so carelessly threw away and damaged seven years ago. It reminds me of one of my most favorite verses that I must quote so often over myself…

“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” – I Peter 5:5

What a story! To quote my friend, Jonny T, “I wanted to be the hero of my story, but Jesus already was.” Jesus – my hero, the Director of this amazing story. And my beautiful wife… winner of the best supporting actress award.

Me? I feel like an extra, standing in the background… trying to just stay out of the way while the Director runs the show and I get to simply watch in amazement as the story unfolds so beautifully and things keep coming back together in our lives.

I am grateful.

I am grace-washed.

I am so incredibly blessed.

And I am humbled, indeed.