POWERLESS
1992 Olympics – Barcelona, Spain
Derek Redmond, favored to win the 1992 Olympic 400 meter sprint, suffers a devastating mid-race injury, ending his quest for Olympic gold. With the help of his beloved father, he is able to physically complete the race even in his powerless, injured state – a powerful image of our own journeys to recovery from addiction.
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STEP ONE – POWERLESS
STEP 1 – We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.
SUPPORTING VERSE: I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. – Romans 7:1
STORY/PARABLE: The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector – Luke 18:9-14
To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
THE HUMILITY OF HITTING ROCK BOTTOM
Recovery from addiction requires the spiritual discipline of humility. Many people find humility through the inevitable “undoing” of their lives as the negative consequences of their addictive behaviors compound with such weight as to bring them to a point of absolute surrender. This might be the experience of a painful and embarrassing event such as a DUI, a jail sentence, a wrecked car, a physical altercation, a severe physical illness, the loss of a job, a divorce, etc. Some people don’t need an event like this as they simply become exhausted from the process of trying to keep their lives together while lying, hiding and manipulating others to keep their addiction under control. This realization is affectionately called “rock bottom” by many who have experienced it and have made the successful turn towards recovery. Whatever name it is given, it is the spiritual turning point upon which we fully recognize our own inability to successfully and enjoyably experience life. This sense of humility arrives when we have come to the end of ourselves, recognizing that we are powerless over our addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable.
The Pharisee in this parable is affirming his own self-righteousness with a selfish prayer acknowledging a short laundry list of common sins that he proudly avoids: “stealing,” “adultery,” and general “evil-doing.” He is looking outwardly at others and comparing himself with them in order to affirm his own value, thankful that he is “not like that tax collector.” He is exhibiting the opposite of humility; the spiritual malady of pride, which blinds him from taking an honest look at himself to consider his own shortcomings. He cannot be real with himself. The Pharisee does not acknowledge his need for the power of God to accomplish the righteous acts he carries out – he falsely believes is able to do it on his own. This is an example of a person completely separated from the heart of God, fully held captive by his own religious acts.
The tax collector, on the other hand, exhibits the spiritual discipline of humility. While we don’t know the specific back story of his experience, we do know much about him based on the other details of Jesus’ parable and the culture in general. Tax collectors were hated and despised in first century Roman life. They were engaged in legal extortion – collecting Caesar’s tax for Rome while adding a “commission” for themselves in the process, all done under the threat of Roman law upon their subjects. They had terrible reputations and were hated and feared by almost everyone. This tax collector was obviously at the end of himself. He is exhausted from trying to meet his own spiritual needs in life. He is at the end of himself…his own, personal “rock bottom.” He has found himself in such spiritual bankruptcy that he can’t even bring himself to look upward to heaven as he pleads for God’s forgiveness. He is engaged in a serious moment of self-reflection, appalled and horrified by this realization as he beats his chest and cries out to God, “Have mercy on me because I am a sinner.” He realizes his own efforts to make himself happy and to live a successful life have failed miserably. This is a perfect example of a man being real with self, understanding that he is powerless indeed. This is but one of the Bible’s examples of a person at Step 1, realizing his own powerlessness.
We’ve included some additional reading along with two suggested exercises below to memorialize the taking of this spiritual step. Both the readings and the exercises will assist in reviewing your own state of spiritual powerlessness and the unmanageability of your life, bringing these spiritual concepts and truths into the reality of the present physical realm. These exercises should be done on paper, hand written and kept for future reference in your Recovery Notebook. They should also be discussed with your sponsor, guide or a close friend. God has a special purpose for the material in these exercises that He will reveal to you as you move through the 12 Steps into a life of recovery, redemption and restoration.
ADDITIONAL READING:
READ: 12 Steps and 12 Traditions – Step 1 (pages 21 -24)
READ: Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book” – Chapter 3 “How It Works” (pages 30 -31)
STEP ONE EXERCISES:
In order to complete Step 1, we will need to have a full, conscious grasp of our own powerlessness over our addiction and accept that our lives have truly become unmanageable to one degree or another. In order to accomplish this, we recommend the following two written exercises that are helpful to bring a “spiritual concept” into the physical realm as we put our experiences and thoughts on paper.
EXERCISE ONE: 20 Negative Consequences
Write out 20 (or more) negative consequences of your addiction. These might include legal or financial setbacks or damage, loss or damage to relationships, emotional or physical damage to self, loss or employment, loss of privileges, etc. Be specific and accept responsibility for your actions in the way you phrase the consequence, i.e….
“I was fired from my job because I drank at work while I was on duty.”
“My wife divorced me because I viewed pornography and cheated on her with someone else.”
“I had to file bankruptcy because I wasted my family’s resources by buying pills.”
Do not type this exercise on a computer or electronic device. It is most powerful and effective when handwritten.
EXERCISE TWO: Writing My Story – The Progression, Powerlessness and Unmanageability of My Addiction
Write out your own personal story of the history of your addiction. Start from as far back as you can remember when you first used (substance) or acted out (behavior) and work forward in time. Tell the story of how your use or acting out progressed over time, making sure to include any key or notable events that occurred.
Focus on PROGRESSION: Mention each significant event when your use or acting out increased or progressed in some way.
Focus on POWERLESSNESS: Mention the times you tried or vowed to stop, put some kind of boundaries on your addiction or quit cold-turkey only to find yourself right back using or acting out again at some point.
Focus on UNMANAGEABILITY: Mention the negative consequences that you experienced as a result of your addiction and how they impacted your life and relationships.
Do not type this exercise on a computer or electronic device. It is most powerful and effective when handwritten. Be detailed and thorough. Your story should be 5 to 10 handwritten pages or more.
CONGRATULATIONS ON ACCOMPLISHING STEP ONE! Once you’ve completed BOTH of the above exercises, you have completed STEP ONE and can proceed to STEP TWO below.